Believe it or not, this post on church videographers has been sitting in my draft folder for three years. Now, it’s being promoted from “Draft” to “Published.” Yup! Three whole years. Do you know what that means? It means that if this post was a child, s/he would be in nursery school by now!
Yikes!
Anyway, it is time to share.
People do all sorts of things during church services, and if you’re sitting in the congregation, some things may escape your notice. This means that during a typical church service (Sunday service, mid-week service, prayer meeting, concert, conference, convention, etc), only those standing on the stage or in front of the congregation can observe the things I am about to share. These people include:
- The Worship leader
- Praise Team and/or choir
- Instrumentalists, depending on where the instruments are positioned
- People making announcements
- The Pastor and other ministers at the altar.
But, apart from all these people, there is one other person who is constantly watching and recording what people do during church services. He is the Church Videographer. Yes, church videographers are mostly men.
Depending on the technology available, the videographers might carry video cameras on their shoulders, or operate them atop tripods. But nowadays, it is common to see videographers operating cameras attached to the large cranes used on movie sets.
Enough about technology.
Regardless of the setup, the service is more often than not, being recorded, meaning that the church videographers and the recording team have the privilege of multiple perspectives.
In plain English, they see everything.
In view of this, let’s look at 10 things church videographers typically observe during services. Of course, you’re welcome to add your own.
1. People Sleeping, Snoring, Drooling in Church = Easy Fodder for Church Videographers
I am sure this one did not come as a surprise to you. Raise your hands if you’ve fallen asleep in church. Ehen! I see you! I would’ve raised my hands too, except that I need them to type. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
Because the camera is rolling throughout the service, it’s easy to see why the videographer will capture the good, the bad and the ugly. Thank God for editing, but even sometimes after editing, when you watch the recorded video of a church service, you’ll see people sleeping. And I don’t mean just napping. I mean they’re in La-la land, dreaming, snoring and drooling. Seriously, the only thing missing is a blanket.
But maybe that iborun or shawl can double as a …
Never mind. 😀
People fall asleep in church for many reasons that may or may not have anything to do with the quality of the preaching or relevance of the message. I personally believe that when it’s time for the sermon, there is an evil spirit a special breeze that sends people to sleep to prevent them from gaining anything from the message. But that’s just my theory. If you doze in church, or if it progresses to snoring or even drooling, someone’s watching you and s/he has a camera.
You have been warned.
2. Nose Picking a.k.a Digging for Gold
Yes, it’s disgusting, but very true. People pick their noses in public, and during church services, nonetheless. Maybe because church auditoriums are increasingly structured like movie theatres and performance theatres (no windows; just dimmed lights over the congregation and lots of bright lights focused on the stage), some folks think no one can see them. So, they choose that venue and time and go digging for gold. It’s nasty.
But beware, someone’s watching you, Gold Digger.
3. Using Social Media (Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc) on mobile devices (phones, tablets, etc) during Church Service
This one is a no-brainer. Students do this during lectures, so it shouldn’t surprise you that others do the same during sermons. And you know how to catch them red-handed? They start laughing when the Pastor (or whoever is on the stage) hasn’t said anything funny, or anything at all. You assume people are using the phones to look up bible passages and take notes, but that’s not the case.
Folks, Facebook will still be there after service. Give your phone a break.
4. Playing Video Games
Just like # 3 above, people play games on their phones and other mobile devices during church services. Sometimes, it’s not even muted, so you can hear that *insert annoying sound* that tells you the player is scoring points and vanquishing foes.
Seriously?
5. Women Giving Men the Classic Side Eye or the “Told-you-so” look
During sermons, especially the ones that center on relationships and marriage, when the Pastor makes a statement highlighting a sore point of contention between a man and a woman, you can just see the woman give the man that “I-told-you-so” or “Isn’t that what I keep telling you?” look. It happens all the time. And men give women that look too. It just happens more often in favor of women.
Throw in the classic side eye, and it’s a wrap!
6. Chop Mouthing a.k.a The LipSync that is an Epic Fail
I blame the worship team for the rapid spread of Chop Mouthing. Chop Mouthing occurs when the worship team or choir decides to sing a song you’ve either never heard in your life, or vaguely remember, thereby inviting you to make a determined and impassioned attempt to sing the lyrics without biting your own tongue. In short, you attempt to lip sync but it ends up like a pot of soggy jollof rice: an epic fail.
Sister, it doesn’t end there. The church videographer caught it all on camera.
*mumbles under breath*
7. Gossiping, Chatting, Whispering
Not necessarily in that order, but this happens in various degrees during church services.
8. People Taking Notes a.k.a The Diligent Notetakers
Yes, we know the sermon won’t be on your final exam, but some folks like to take notes. It helps you follow along, and you can refer back to your notes during your personal bible study.
Only haters would fault you for keeping this habit. Let’s hope the videographer isn’t a hater.
9. Waka Passing a.k.a People Roaming About During the Church Service
There are people who delight in having others notice them during church service. Oh, they live for those moments! So to maximize the opportunity for “notice me” while they’re at church, they look for excuses to get up and leave and come back like 100 times before the service ends.
If you do this, you already know yourself.
Waka passing should be outlawed, and some ushers have no qualms telling you to go back to your seat.
10. Waving at the Camera/Videographer and Grinning
Yes, people do this when they realize the camera is focused on them. No, it’s not a Nigerian thing. It’s an everywhere thing.
Sister, Brother, we see all your 32 teeth. Caught on camera!
11. The Glassy Eyed Stare of People Whose Minds Wander
These folks simply stare into space. It’s not that they’re listening to the sermon. No, their minds are miles away, maybe dreaming of the after church lunch waiting to be devoured. Or maybe they’re sleeping with their eyes open (some people can manage it quite well).
Whatever it is, the glassy eyed stare persists …
… And our diligent church videographers record it in varying degrees.
12. Eating Snacks and Drinking Coffee During the Church Service
Now, I haven’t seen anyone eating a heavy meal like pounded yam and egusi during a church service, but people certainly snack during sermons. Nobody wants to be the unfortunate one sitting beside Mr. “I-eat-potato-chips-noisily-and-lick-the-chips-dust-off-my-fingers-with-unbridled-gusto.” It’s like watching a machine pulverize stone into powder.
Except that the machine doesn’t have hands.
Some would even consider eating noisily during church to be rude and disrespectful, but I wouldn’t go that far. After all, low blood sugar can strike at any time. 🙂
I have only used coffee here as an example, but people drink beverages during church services, and I’m not talking about water. Here in the US, it’s quite common for people to drink coffee during service, possibly to stay awake, but I suspect it’s done mostly out of habit. Caffeine is the drug of choice for many. Plus, some churches provide free coffee in their lobbies before the service starts.
But because coffee is a diuretic, the coffee drinkers will make multiple trips to the restroom and the videographer will catch them waka-passing.
The circle of life, ba?
With cell phones in the hands of many people, even if church videographers aren’t recording all these actions, someone else is. YouTube, Facebook and the internet in general are full of these recorded “episodes.” Such is the world we live in.
Did I leave any out? What things have you observed people doing during church services or public events? Did the videographer catch it on camera? Please share.
